


Tangled up in Blue

by Varanidae



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blow Jobs, Fake Marriage, M/M, Mutual Pining, Stevie is a genius, and these boys are idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:32:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22079779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Varanidae/pseuds/Varanidae
Summary: “I'm so glad we're doing this. I really need to focus on my wellness journey right now.” David explains to Stevie while he chews on artificially-dyed, plastic-flavored Twizzlers. He holds up the brochure to the Elmdale Hotel and Spa, “Oh! Look they have botanical gardens!”Stevie glances over to David while she is driving, “Mmmhmm. I’m sure anything will be better than watching you reorganize your knits for the fifteen millionth time.”orStevie and David go to a spa in Elmdale, pre-Patrick/post-Jake. Chaos and hilarity ensue.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose
Comments: 25
Kudos: 127





	1. He was married when we first met

**Author's Note:**

  * For [this_is_not_nothing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_is_not_nothing/gifts).

> This originated as a discussion about Stevie and David going on a zany, adventure-filled fake honeymoon...and it turned in to well...this thing. 
> 
> T-rating is for language and suggestive behaviors in first two chapters. Rating will go up to an E for last chapter. :)

“I'm so glad we're doing this. I really need to focus on my wellness journey right now.” David explains to Stevie while he chews on artificially-dyed, plastic-flavored Twizzlers. He holds up the brochure to the Elmdale Hotel and Spa, “Oh! Look they have botanical gardens!” 

Stevie glances over to David while she is driving, “Mmmhmm. I’m sure anything will be better than watching you reorganize your knits for the fifteen millionth time.” 

“Umm. Excuse me if I care too much about maintaining high standards.” David retorts while waving the long red string of candy in the air in protest.

“Right. Because we can both agree that Jake was an example of really high standards.” Stevie deadpans. 

David glares back at her, “You realize you just insulted yourself, too?” 

Stevie rolls her eyes,“Which is exactly why we’re going to this spa. So I can _ cleanse myself of all of that negative energy _ as you like to say.” 

“Exactly.” David contentedly chews on the rest of his Twizzler and offers up a piece to Stevie as a show of solidarity. Stevie nods and accepts the treat. 

As they pull up to the Elmdale Hotel and Spa, David eyes the fountain out front with a stallion and what appears to be a native person in traditional clothing. The columns that surround the entrance to the hotel are Victorian in style and the doors are flanked by two Grecian statues of lions. David thinks to himself that the landscaping that consists of tropical ferns and decorative cacti further demonstrates the lack of a clear aesthetic. David chooses not to voice his opinions to Stevie for once and decides that it looks clean enough and he’ll be spending most of his time sleeping and enjoying spa treatments so he can close his eyes to avoid the incorrect decor. 

Stevie pulls up to the entrance and drops off David and their luggage while she parks the car. David was generous enough to use some of his Blouse Barn money to pay for the hotel, but she’s not about to splurge five dollars per day just to have someone else park the car. 

A young acne-prone teenager loads the luggage onto a bell cart and assists David with making his way to check-in. When he enters the lobby, his senses are further assaulted with the lack of a cohesive design aesthetic. The carpets are a gold and maroon fleur de lis pattern, the columns inside are exposed, dark wood beams. There are numerous blue and white knock-off Chinese vases throughout the lobby holding a variation of dead grasses and more tropical broad-leaved plants. The chairs and lounging area of the lobby look quite modern and the only thing not incorrect about this whole place is the light jazz playing over the sound system. 

David makes his way to the counter and waits in line. There is only one associate at the front desk who is currently trying her best not to scream at the man complaining about the drinks being too cold. David busies himself looking at his phone while waiting. 

“I can help you, sir.” 

David looks up from his phone to see a man about his age with auburn hair and kind eyes. He’s wearing a blue button down and smiling at David while he approaches the desk. 

“Well, Hello…” David looks down at the name badge “...Patrick Brewer, _ Assistant Manager _.” David flashes a grin back at this cute little button of a man and emphasizes his title to show that he’s impressed. “Are you the person I need to talk to about correcting all of this?” David gestures to the room with a smirk and Patrick’s smile brightens. 

“What do you mean? Are the brass gargoyles not up to your standards?” Patrick responds playfully.

“Oh, so you’re aware of how antique-chic is not a thing? Or if it is, that _ this _ is definitely not _ that _?” David smiles back with his brows raised, meeting the warm honey-brown eyes. 

“Well, Mr…?”

  
“Rose. David Rose. You can call me David.” 

“Ah, well, Mr. Rose...er, David, the owner has left all of the decorating decisions to his wife. The only thing I have control over is the cleanliness of your room and the music.” 

“Hmm. Sounds like she’d be a shoe-in for the _ Real Housewives. _ Well, I’ll make sure not to get the room too _ dirty _.” David flirts back and sees the blush rise up on Patrick’s cheeks and ears. Patrick clears his throat and looks down at his computer screen, avoiding eye contact with David. 

Stevie walks up to David as Patrick begins pulling up the reservation and David notices that Patrick’s smile falters a bit when Stevie approaches. He hopes that Patrick doesn’t think they’re _ together _ together because he’d really like to keep talking to Patrick about being dirty. 

“So, I see you are booked in the honeymoon suite.” Patrick looks up to David almost as if it were a question, his flirty smile gone in place of a forced customer service smile. 

“Uh--” 

David is interrupted by Stevie wrapping her arm around his waist and nodding to Patrick, “That’s right, dear. We have lots to celebrate.” She looks up to David, “I called and got us an upgrade for no extra charge.” 

David looks at Stevie with pinched brows and stares at her ‘just go along with it’ glare. He tries not to look back at Patrick, but before he can tear away confused eyes from Stevie, Patrick is explaining the room charges and policies and the last thing he hears is, “...and there is a chilled bottle of Zhampagne waiting for the two of you in the room, along with a tray of chocolate covered strawberries compliments of the hotel.” 

Stevie tugs at David’s waist a bit tighter trying and failing to get him to be more convincing. Stevie plasters on a big smile and accepts the room keys from Patrick. David finally snaps out of it and smiles weakly at Patrick before Stevie grabs him by the wrist and is pulling him towards the elevators. 

“What in the actual fuck, Stevie?!?” David declares once they’re finally in the room. No, not a room, _ a suite with rose petals every-fucking-where _ David thinks. 

Stevie is already popping open the bottle of Zhampagne and munching on a strawberry. “What? Do you want the free booze or not?” She fills up two flutes and hands one over to David. 

David grumbles and takes the glass from Stevie just before noticing she has on a fake engagement ring. “Oh, so you’ve been planning this for a while, huh?” 

“Okay, so, maybe I know that this hotel gives away lots of free stuff for couples on their honeymoon. Who else in their right mind would actually stay in Elmdale for their honeymoon? It’s pretty good business sense if you ask me.” 

“Except we’re not on our actual honeymoon!” David exclaims. “And what if I want to hookup with someone while we’re here? Like, you’ve basically cockblocked both of us for the entire week.” 

“David.” Stevie looks up at David calmly, “Don’t worry.” She smiled, “We’ve got an open marriage. Now, are you gonna eat any of these strawberries?” 

David huffs out and takes the entire tray of remaining strawberries with him to the bathroom. “You owe me.” 


	2. Pourin' off of ev'ry page like it was written in my soul from me to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Close quarters and close calls.

Patrick is finalizing financial records for the day and has to start over for the fourth time in a row because he’s distracted and embarrassed. He plays over and over in his head how much he enjoyed talking with David Rose and his beautiful lips. He could have sworn David was flirting with him and of course the moment he tiptoes the line of being unprofessional he finds out that David is here on his  _ honeymoon _ . 

Patrick has known for a while that he is gay. It’s why he left Rachel and why he’s slowly letting himself explore what life is like without her. It’s why he took this job far away from home, away from Rachel and where he could start with a clean slate. Flirting with married customers it not exactly what he would consider part of a clean start. 

Patrick walks over to the hotel restaurant before clocking out for the day. He makes sure the hostess sends over a complimentary bottle of wine to any special guests, tonight the only VIPs being the newlywed Mr. and Mrs. Rose. 

The hostess informs Patrick that the newlyweds are already seated and he glances around the corner to where Stevie and David are seated. They are both fussing about something and don’t look very relaxed. It’s still his job to make sure customers are happy, so he scribbles down on a note “Congratulations on your happy day!” and signed, “P.B., Elmdale Hotel and Spa Management” and has the waitress deliver a slightly nicer bottle of wine to the table. 

He watches from the corner as David opens the note and smiles.  _ God, he’s gorgeous. She gets to have all of that  _ Patrick thinks to himself and stares longingly at David. He watches as Stevie reads the note and she smiles back at David while poking him in the side with her elbow. He can’t make out what they are saying, but then suddenly David is looking up and catches Patrick staring at him. David’s smile widens as he looks at Patrick, his lips tipping to the side. Once again finding himself embarrassed at thinking about a married man, Patrick looks away from David and bolts back to his office. 

Patrick is standing against the locked door of his office, breathing heavily. _ I am so gay _ . In particular, he’s really really gay for David Rose.  _ Get it together, Brewer. _ He finally calms down enough to leave the office. He’s renting a room on the hotel grounds as part of his agreement with the owner who generously offered the space at a very low cost knowing Patrick only arrived in Elmdale with the few boxes he had in his car. It’s only temporary, but Patrick likes that he can take advantage of the free gym access and extremely short commute to work that consists of one flight of stairs and a long hallway. 

Patrick settles into his room and turned on a baseball game. He quickly learned to invest in headphones and a white noise machine for when he couldn’t leave the TV on to drown out noise. His room shared a wall with the honeymoon suite and as much as he was glad that patrons enjoyed their stay, he didn’t need to hear just how much some of them were enjoying it. 

He showered and sat down to watch the rest of the game and suddenly he thought  _ Oh God. David’s probably going to have sex in the room next door.  _ He muted the TV at this thought. He could hear a muffled conversation coming from the honeymoon suite. Once again he stopped himself from going too far. He turned the volume back on and started to make himself a drink to distract him from all the inappropriate thoughts he was having about David Rose. He grabbed for the ice bucket and walked to the ice machine in just his blue plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. 

He rounded the corner for the ice machine and standing there in front of the vending machine looking far too handsome in black sweatpants and a t-shirt was, of course, David fucking Rose. 

“Hi.” Patrick said hesitantly. 

“Hi.” David responded softly and gave Patrick a shy smile before quickly turning his attention back to the vending machine. He looked back at Patrick as he filled his bucket with ice, “Wait. You  _ live _ here, too?” 

“Yep. Round-the-clock service. Are you--are you having to make a tough decision there?” Patrick responded, trying his best to hide how thrilled he was to be talking to David. 

“I’m trying to decide between sweet or salty. Which do you prefer?” David looks over to Patrick in question. 

“Both?” 

Patrick watches as David makes his choice and just before his Baby Ruth candy bar is supposed to fall, it gets jammed. 

“Ugh! You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” David slams his hand against the machine.

Patrick laughs a little at David’s fate. “Well, luckily the on-site management can help you with this predicament. Patrick places his hand on David’s shoulder as a gesture to step aside, but he hesitates a moment because it feels like he’s been electrified. He quickly removes his hand failing to see the fond look falling over David’s face. He slips a dollar in to the vending machine and presses B13 for the Baby Ruth and two candy bars fall down to be collected. Patrick collects them and hands over both candy bars to David. 

“Aren’t one of these for you?” David asks and holds out one of the bars in his hand towards Patrick. 

“Oh, no, my treat. You can give the other to your wife?” Patrick looks up at David through his lashes and sees that David’s brows furrow in response to mention of his new wife. 

“Well, she’s, uh...indisposed at the moment.” David frowns and gestures to his stomach, “A little too much Zhampagne.” He continues to hold out the other candy bar. Patrick accepts the candy bar and his fingers slightly brush against David’s and once again he feels electrified. 

“Thank you. I hope she feels better soon.” Patrick nods and watches as David unwraps the bar and hums in pleasure as he takes a bite. 

“Bye.” David says softly and the sound of his soft voice and hum of pleasure has sent shivers down Patrick’s spine.

Patrick gives a small wave as David leaves to head back to the honeymoon suite. Patrick makes his way back to his own room and when he sits back in his chair he leans his head back to look at the ceiling and lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. Maybe tonight he won’t have to worry about hearing David in the middle of having sex, but he won’t be getting the sound of David’s voice out of his head any time soon. 

\---

David takes the last bite of his Baby Ruth as Stevie emerges from the bathroom fully dressed. “Stevie, we’re fucked. How are we supposed to play this for the rest of the week in front of that manager? I think he’s onto us! He’s literally right next door!” 

“David. It’s fine.” She replies calmly as she slips on her shoes. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” David shouts. 

“Out. The bus boy texted me back and his shift is over...and he said he might have weed.” 

“Oh, so you can go have your needs met by a random, but I have to suffer here alone? This was supposed to be a relaxing getaway!” David pouts hoping that Stevie will at least give him the courtesy of feeling bad for him. 

“You know you don’t have to be alone. Just go knock on the manager’s door. I’m sure he’d love to keep you company.” 

David crosses his arms over his chest, “Wha--well, what are you talking about?” 

“I like this for you.” Stevie smirks back at David. 

“There’s nothing to like. Especially since we’re supposed to be  _ married! _ ” David continues to shout as Stevie picks up her room key and heads for the door. She leaves before saying, “Kindest Regards.” 

\---

_ He’s onto us…next door! _

_ ….do you think you’re going!? _

_ ...relaxing getaway... _

_ Be alone...manager...keep you company... _

_ ...supposed to be married! _

_ Kindest regards *door shuts* _

Patrick isn’t supposed to be eavesdropping but the couple next door is making that difficult. It’s that last part that finally helps him put it all together. He’s about 87% sure that David and Stevie are not newlyweds. It’s happened before with fake newlyweds wanting to take advantage of the hotel benefits and it’s never been a big deal to the owner since most people who book the suite tend to spend more money at the spa and on dining. And it’s not like the complimentary Zhampagne costs them more than $10 per case. The folks who have been caught to date have always been real couples who are just looking for a romantic getaway close to home. 

Patrick is also pretty sure that David is not having a relaxing experience at the Elmdale Hotel and Spa so far. David is probably going to try and stay as far away from Patrick as possible and if Patrick tells David he knows...then...David might be embarrassed and leave. 

Patrick turns on the white noise machine and tries to sleep. He can hear the faint sounds of someone playing Mariah Carey’s  _ Honey _ over and over again in the room next door. He drifts to sleep smiling and thinking about David singing along to Mariah’s hits. 

\---

“Good morning!” Stevie declares as she sits down a plate of pancakes on the bed in front of David, waking him up at 11:30am. He grumbles as he sits up and gives her a suspicious look. He says nothing before picking up a fork and drenching the pancakes in syrup. 

From behind her back she also materializes a bloody mary and places it in front of David. He gives her another appreciative, yet skeptical look before accepting it. 

“You are welcome?” Stevie watches as he cuts into the pancakes hoping her peace offering is worthwhile. 

“Mmhmm…so what, or who, are you going to abandon me for this time?” David asks before taking a long sip of the drink. 

“What are you talking about? I didn’t abandon you! I had my needs met by a nice young gentleman and quietly returned without disturbing you from your not-so-peaceful slumber.” She points at the dried residue of drool on the side of David's mouth. 

“Right. And this generous meal and beverage you’ve provided has nothing to do with you feeling bad about this situation?”

“I’m just concerned about your wellness journey. Those are whole wheat pancakes, y'know.” Stevie looks back at David and her lips turn downwards apologetically, “...and Fredrick asked me to meet him for lunch…” 

David’s mouth drops open, “So when you said you were going to tour the gardens with me you were basically lying!? What am I going to do? Go by myself like some kind of pervert!?!” 

Stevie continues to cringe, but defends herself saying, “David! I am a single woman!” 

“Who is supposed to be fake married! To me!” David exclaims. 

Stevie pulls out another pamphlet from behind her back and gives David a hopeful look, “I also booked you a mud bath treatment for after your massage. I traded in the massage I had booked.” 

David’s mouth finally closes and takes another long sip of his drink, “Fine.” he takes the pamphlet out of Stevie’s hand, “Just be discreet and don’t let anyone find out about your adulterous behavior with Fredrick!” 

“Done! Enjoy the gardens, hubby-love!” She places an excited kiss on David’s forehead as he continues to grumble at her under his breath and she waltzes out the door of the suite. 

\---

After his massage and mud bath, David decides to brave the gardens on his own and is still a bit perplexed by the strange assortment and arrangement of plants and gaudy sculptures. David has stopped to look at a small stone cherub smiling blissfully while pissing into the small fountain surrounded by desert succulents.  _ So incorrect _ . 

“Angelic, no?”

David is startled by none other than Patrick Brewer, Assistant Manager to this place that is no longer a fount of relaxation. 

“Mmm. That’s a no. He looks like he’s hiding an evil secret with that jolly little smirk on his face.” David responds and smiles back at Patrick, soaking in his warm eyes and appreciating the tight denim he is currently wearing. Patrick laughs at his commentary and David notices that he’s not wearing his name badge. “Are you--” David gestures up and down Patrick’s body and it causes Patrick to blush.

“Am I...on the clock?” Patrick provides. 

“Yes, I mean, is this another casual look I get to see you in? It’s an improvement from the pajamas, but yes, those mountaineering shoes are a bit too informal for an assistant manager I would say.” David stops himself from rambling any further and just smiles back at Patrick. 

“I’m off today. This is just where I come to think.” Patrick responds and gestures around himself. 

“Oh, that’s nice. Do you--do you want to talk about it?” David asks and motions to the bench a few feet away. Patrick nods and the two men walk towards the bench and sit down slightly facing one another and knees barely touching. 

“So first off, you have got to pick out a cohesive aesthetic, just one will do. Why on Earth are there so many succulents--” David is cut off by Patrick’s laughter. 

“What?” David asks with an inquisitively arched brow.

“I guess I thought you meant you wanted  _ me _ to tell you my ideas, not for me to listen to  _ yours _ .” Patrick’s eyes are crinkled and his laugh immediately makes David feel more at ease. 

“Oh, I thought you were saying you were thinking about ideas for this place. Sorry. I was just trying to be helpful.” David looks down at his hands avoiding eye contact with Patrick. 

Patrick places a hand on David’s knee and David looks up as he says, “It’s okay, David. Thank you, this place does need a lot of...help in the design area. The owner is more interested in what to do with the small empty space next to the spa. We had a small sundry shop there for a little while, but the couple who owned it decided to close up.” 

David nods along as Patrick continues to explain a few of his ideas for the retail space and realizes that Patrick has yet to move his hand from David’s knee. David isn’t thinking straight when Patrick asks him, “So, what would you do?” David smiles and places his own hand over Patrick’s hand. 

The two men sit in silence for a few moments, staring at their hands, and it’s as if they’re playing a high-stakes game of chicken just waiting to see who will make the next move. David refuses to give in, so he starts talking about his idea for a store he’s been thinking about since before he started working at the Blouse Barn. 

“I do have an idea. It’s a general store, but also a very specific store…” David begins to explain to Patrick about selling locally crafted goods all while their hands remain placed on top of each others. He also tells Patrick about working with Wendy and how he's been spending time thinking about what he would do next, but that he doesn't think he has what it takes to strike out on his own yet. He tells Patrick about the empty General Store in Schitt's Creek and how he was thinking about applying for the lease. 

“...Oh! And I noticed the spa uses a bunch of generic low-quality skin care products. You know, there are farms and crafters nearby that make much higher quality products that you could sell at the store and use at the spa. It would benefit both the customer and the vendor. You could even offer like samples to the spa customers or coupons for them to use to purchase the full-size products in the store--” 

David stops himself mid-sentence because he realizes he’s been rambling on for several minutes while Patrick just smiles and nods at him. “Well, anyways, that’s basically the idea. It’s nothing, really.” David says. 

“This is not nothing, David.” Patrick responds and his kind words cut through David’s heart and he grips Patrick’s hand just a little bit tighter. David starts to wonder why this man would care about David’s impossible ideas and what he has to say. The moment is lost a little when David’s phone buzzes. David releases is grip on Patrick’s hand and sees that Stevie is calling. He stands up and tells Patrick, “I--I have to take this. It's Ste--it's my wife.” 

Patrick looks up at David, “That’s okay. I should--I’m going to write some of this down. I’ll see you around, David.” David watches as Patrick stands and waves goodbye before heading back towards the hotel. 

David’s phone is still buzzing and he answers with an annoyed “What!?” 

“Geez, David. I thought the massage and mud bath were supposed to help you chill. Anyways. I need the room for like a few hours. So…” 

“Whatever. Just...don’t do anything on the bed!” David responds and hangs up on Stevie before she can say what or who she’s planning on doing in their room. 

David crosses his arms and looks up to the sky muttering, “What the fuck?” 

\---

Patrick heads back to his room to write out all of the things David was telling him about his ideas for the general-yet-specific retail space. It’s a really really good idea. And not just for the hotel, but this could be a good for David, too. After basically holding hands with David for a half hour, he’s about 97% sure David and Stevie are not in a relationship. 

He spends an hour putting together some spreadsheets and drafting up a proposal for his boss. He needs to print off some copies in his office and as he exits his room he notices that Fredrick is tiptoeing out of the Honeymoon Suite. His heart drops thinking that possibly David and Fredrick have just had an afternoon delight. 

“Freddy?” Patrick calls to him and Fredrick tries to act nonchalant even though he’s currently only wearing socks and pants while carrying the rest of his clothes and shoes in hand.

“Yes, Mr. Brewer?” Fredrick looks nervous and before Patrick can even question him, Freddy is pouring out all of the information he knows about David and Stevie not being married, “...and, if you knew the things she can do with her tongue, Mr. Brewer...you wouldn’t be able to say no to that either.” 

“She?” Patrick asks and a small glimmer of hope begins to blossom. 

Fredrick looks puzzled, “Yeah, Stevie. Miss Budd?” He starts to smile when he notices that Patrick is also slightly smiling now, “She’s so hot, am I right?” 

Patrick clears his throat and stands up a bit straighter, “Freddy, don’t talk about customers that way. Go put your clothes on and start your shift.” 

Freddy quickly scampers away and Patrick walks back into his room. He smiles to himself and leans back in his chair. He jots down a few more notes before he heads to the office and sends an email to his boss. He prints out a few things to give to David and he saves some files to a thumb drive. This is a really good idea. 

\--

Stevie asked Fredrick to be gone by the time she got out of the shower. She sits in her robe in front of the vanity and hears some voices outside the door. She momentarily panics when she realizes it’s Fredrick and Patrick speaking. She peeks through the viewer on the door and confirms it’s the two men and Stevie smiles to herself when Fredrick mentions the thing with her tongue. That’s when she also sees the relief in Patrick’s eyes and the smile on his face.  _ God, they’re such idiots _ she thinks to herself. 

She walks back towards the closet and gets dressed for dinner. She is supposed to meet David drinks and karaoke at the bar before dinner. She notices a few voicemails and text messages and apparently she’s needed back at the motel for a Roland-related emergency. She rolls her eyes and starts packing her bags. David will be just fine here on his own so long as he gets over himself and makes a move with Patrick. She looks down at the fake engagement ring and smiles. She has an idea. It's a really good idea. 


	3. There was music in the cafes at night and revolution in the air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevie makes a scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The finale!
> 
> Rating is bumped up to an E. ;)

David is slurping on his second vodka cranberry and nods when the bartender asks if he wants a third. He’s already put in his request for some Mariah and is waiting for the two cougars on the prowl to finish their rendition of  _ Jolene _ that absolutely does not work as a duet. He feels a warm body sidle up next to his and looks over expecting to see Stevie. Only, it’s not Stevie at all. It’s Patrick fucking Brewer. Again. 

“Hi.” Patrick sits at the stool next to David and orders a beer. David can’t help but watch Patrick’s lips wrap around the opening of the bottle and his eyes trace down the curve of his throat as he watches him swallow. His eyes travel a bit farther down the line of his neck where his button down is generously undone more than a few buttons at the top to reveal a slight amount of light colored chest hair. 

Patrick is now staring back at David who has yet to say a single word. He sheepishly catches himself and closes his eyes to compose himself. 

“Hi.” David says softly. 

“Your idea, David?” David melts at his name spilling off of Patrick’s lips and Patrick continues, “For the store? It’s a really good idea. What would you call the store?” Patrick asks. 

David attempts to hide his smile, “Thank you. I’ve oscillated between a few names, but I think I would go with  _ Rose Apothecary _ .” 

“I like it. It sounds just pretentious enough.” Patrick teases. 

“I think you meant to say  _ timeless _ .” David adds, trying to look unamused and failing miserably. 

The two men are staring and smiling at each other again when Stevie approaches the bar. She looks up to the bartender and they both give each other knowing glances at the two men currently making googly eyes at each other. 

“Water, please.” She sits down a fiver on the bar top. 

David forgets for a moment that they’re supposed to be pretending to be married and he clears his throat and pats her hesitantly on the shoulder trying to feign interest in his fake spouse, “Hi--honey, how--how was your nap?” 

Stevie sets down the fake engagement ring on the bar top and breathes in dramatically, “David, you know, you seem like a really great guy.” Stevie takes another big breath trying to play up the drama. “And I can tell it’s taken you a lot of courage to marry me. I think to save us both time...and stress...and you know, save you _a lot_ of money, I think it would be best if we’d just never gotten married at all…” She glances over to Patrick, “and we can just skip right to seeing other people.” 

A wide-eyed David makes a squeaking sound and looks back and forth between Stevie and Patrick, “Uh--are you breaking up with me, _on our honeymoon_?” 

People in the bar are starting to stare and the two cougars are watching the spectacle like it’s a live daytime soap opera. Patrick is hiding his grin under his hand because he knows she is fake breaking up a pretend marriage. 

“My lawyers will have the annulment paperwork for you by tomorrow.” Stevie winks at David who now notices that Stevie is leaving with her luggage in tow. He is still staring at her open-mouthed as she walks out of the hotel. Patrick is turned away from Stevie and she points to Patrick, followed by a thumbs up. She then looks over to her left and David follows her eyes to see Fredrick waving goodbye and shouting out for her to call him. Stevie crinkles her nose and shakes her head side to side to indicate her lack of interest at Fredrick and then looks back at David with a smile.

David looks to Patrick with slumped shoulders and a horrified expression. He sees that Patrick has his hands over his mouth likely petrified by the cringe-worthy moment he just witnessed. He motions for the bartender, “I need three polar bear shots, stat!” 

Patrick finally drops his hand, shrugs his shoulders and says as straight-faced as possible, “This is why I stopped dating women.” followed by an attempt to wink at David. 

“Oh.” David says, and then Patrick’s words hit him like a ton of bricks, “ _ Ooooooh! _ ” David wasn’t sure if his smile could get any wider after Patrick’s declaration all but admitting he might be in to David. He downs one of the polar bear shots, hoping for some liquid courage. 

Before David can address the elephant in the room that might just be mutual attraction, the karaoke DJ calls out, “Next up, we have a David R. who will delight us with Mariah’s  _ We Belong Together _ !” 

“Oh Dear God. That’s me.” David downs the remaining two polar bear shots and basically runs towards the stage. He has just enough alcohol in him to pull off Mariah’s ballad, but not quite enough to not feel embarrassed about everything that just happened in this bar. 

As he picks up the microphone he notices Patrick checking his phone and then look back up at David with a bright and encouraging smile. David takes one giant breath before plastering on a huge smile and shouting, “This one is for all the lovers in da house!” 

The opening melody starts and he lets Mariah be his spirit guide. It’s not like he could be any more embarrassed after what just happened.

_ I didn't mean it _

_ When I said I didn't love you, so _

_ I should have held on tight _

_ I never shoulda let you go… _

David makes a sweeping motion with his arm, trying to emulate the 90’s R&B aesthetic to accentuate the power of the lyrics and their mother songstress. 

_ Oh, what I wouldn't give _

_ To have you lying by my side _

_ Right here, cause baby... _

David finds himself looking directly at Patrick

_ We belong together _

David sees that Patrick is blushing and still smiling stupidly at him. Maybe this serenade will actually work and he’ll get to feel that compact body pressed up against his sooner rather than later. The shots are starting to hit him full force now. He’s decided he’ll just sing the rest of the entire song directly to Patrick with a few nods towards the section of fans cheering him on. 

_ When you left I lost a part of me _

_ It's still so hard to believe _

_ Come back baby, please _

_ 'Cause we belong together _

David rolls his body along with the melody and ends up pointing and gesturing suggestively to Patrick. David powers through the rest of the song and the connection he’s making with Patrick is one-hundred percent heat. He finishes the last of the song as the bar cheers him on:

_ There ain't nobody better _

_ Oh baby, baby _

_ We belong together _

“I love you, Mariah!!! And I love everyone in this bar!!” David shouts out to the crowd happily, the polar bear shots have clearly taken full effect. 

He drops the microphone on the stage as he bows for his fans, the two cougars being his most enthusiastic in the crowd of a dozen or so people. He heads back towards the bar, walks right up to Patrick, wraps his hand around Patrick's neck and kisses him deeply. 

At first Patrick is surprised, but David feels him lean in to it after a millisecond and then, oh god yes, he’s using his tongue. It’s sloppy and it’s hot. But before he can turn up the heat even more, Patrick is pulling away.

“Huh? Nooooo!” David whines and looks into those darkened honey brown eyes. Patrick is panting heavily and he puts on a small smile. Patrick tells David, “I--I’m up.” David gives a confused look and then glances down at Patrick’s zipper region causing Patrick to stutter and his face turn beet red, “Oh, um--I’m up next for karaoke.” He gives David a chaste kiss on the lips before heading to the stage.

David looks on in amusement as Patrick picks up the microphone from the floor, “Hi folks, thanks for coming tonight. I’d like to dedicate this one to a very special someone who just walked in to my life.” 

David listened to the unfamiliar opening medley, but as soon as Patrick’s buttery voice filled the air he began to recognize the lyrics and he was a goner. He wrapped himself in his own arms and swayed to the sweet music:

_ When the rain is blowing in your face _

_ And the whole world is on your case _

_ I could offer a warm embrace _

_ To make you feel my love _

_ When evening shadows and the stars appear _

_ And there is no one there to dry your tears _

_ I could hold you for a million years _

_ To make you feel my love _

Patrick was looking directly at David the whole time now. David could feel his eyes were watering and his cheeks were starting to hurt from how much he was probably smiling like an idiot. He doesn’t feel like strangling Stevie anymore and is reluctantly thanking her for fake breaking up with him. 

_ I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue _

_ I'd go crawling down the avenue _

_ And oh, there's nothing that I wouldn't do _

_ To make you feel my love _

Yep, he’s a full grown man crying over a man singing to him. A man he’s barely known for 24 hours, yet he’s gobsmacked. The last few lines send goosebumps over the back of David’s neck and he starts to make his way up to the stage because he can’t not be kissing Patrick right now. 

_ I could make you happy, make your dreams come true _

_ Nothing that I wouldn't do _

_ Go to the ends of the earth for you _

_ To make you feel my love _

Before Patrick can put down the microphone and thank the bar patrons for their applause, David is up there on the stage and now it’s Patrick pulling David in for another bruising kiss as the crowd in the bar whoops and hollers at the public display of affection. They break away from each other long enough to make it back to their seats at the bar. 

“Listen, David. I--I need to thank you.” Patrick looks up to David through his lashes. 

“Thank me for what?”

“I’ve--I’ve never done that before. Kiss a guy.” Patrick is looking intently at his half-empty beer bottle. 

“Oh. Okay.” 

“And, I don’t want you to think I’m being unprofessional when I say that I’ve wanted to do that since I met you at check-in yesterday. And when you kissed me, I felt how you’re supposed to feel for the first time in my life.” Patrick continues. 

David cleared his throat, his fondness for this near stranger growing even stronger. “Well. While we’re being honest. I should probably tell you that--um.” David scrunches his face, prepared for Patrick to bolt as soon as he tells him the truth, “Stevie and I were never married.”

“Thank you, for saying that.” Patrick smiles at David and a huge relief washes over David’s body. Patrick adds teasingly, “And I knew you weren’t married. You’re not a very good actor. Although, Stevie. Wow, she should could win an Emmy for that fake break up.” Patrick places his hand on David’s thigh and David doesn’t hesitate to place his hand on top of it this time. 

They talk for a little while at the bar, trading affectionate touches on knees, arms, and necks. They are easily distracted by one another and steal chaste kisses every so often. Enough time has passed that David is beginning to sober up and realizing he still really really likes this guy and it feels like this guy really really likes David. It’s not all some kind of drunken cloud of future regret. 

“Hey, would you take a walk with me?” Patrick asks and David shimmies his shoulders and nods up and down fervently, “Yes. I would very much like to take a walk with you.” They close out their bar tabs and Patrick takes David by the hand and leads him towards the front of the hotel. David feels a bit confused because the hotel rooms are in the opposite direction, but he’s not opposed to some storage room hanky panky. 

Patrick unlocks the doors to what ends up being a small space with a few empty shelving units and a check-out kiosk. This must be the space he was talking about earlier today. It’s cute. It obviously hasn’t been touched by the owner’s wife yet because it lacks any kind of decor, but it has a lot of potential. David can envision painting the shelves a deep brown and painting the walls a soft white. He feels Patrick tug on his hand and turns his attention away from the mental mood board he is assembling and towards this buttoned-up dream of a man. 

“The lease is yours if you want it.” Patrick tells him. 

“What? I don’t--” David starts and gives Patrick a confused look. 

“I talked to my boss about your idea for a store that sells locally made products curated under a single brand. He loved the idea. The lease is yours if you want it and you can have it rent free if you are willing to provide the spa with products at cost and offer the employees in the spa a portion of the commission if they sell any products.” 

David is stunned. He didn’t think he could feel much more strongly about someone than he does now for Patrick. “I uh--I’ll have to put some numbers together to see if that’s a good deal.” 

Patrick hands over a thumb drive and some folded papers that had magically been stuffed in his front pockets. “I may have already run some of the numbers for you. It’s a really good deal. I know this is a small space, with just a few shelves, but it could be the start you need to get Rose Apothecary off the ground...and possibly expand to a standalone store eventually.” 

David takes the thumb drive and is speechless. He looks around the space again, starting to fill up that mental mood board again. He’s picturing the labels on the body milk from Warner Farms and the dark blue jars that would hold the organic hair mask the Mennonites make. 

He turns to look at Patrick who looks like he’s been holding his breath the entire time. He walks up to him and places his arms around his shoulders, “Yes. I can do this.” Patrick wraps his hand around David’s waist and smiles into the sweet kiss they share while standing in the middle of the empty space. The kiss deepens and the energy between the two of them is growing hotter by the second. David pulls himself away after a moment of clarity, realizing they’re standing and making out for the entire hotel staff and patrons to see. 

“Can we, uh, take this elsewhere, Patrick?” 

Patrick takes David by the hand once again and leads him down the long hallway towards the elevators. They pass by several hotel staffers who give Patrick a knowing smile and few stop him to ask a hotel management-related question. Patrick kindly reminds each of them he’s off the clock, but he still helps them anyways. David laughs to himself in disbelief that such a nice person wants to be with him. 

When they finally arrive at the junction between Patrick’s room and the honeymoon suite the air changes a bit as if they’ve both realized that whichever door they open is going to likely lead to a physical connection. David senses Patrick’s hesitation and tells him, “We don’t have to do anything. There’s no pressure.” 

“Thank you, David.” Patrick is looking down at their interlocked fingers. “I think you may be right, we should slow down a bit. A lot has happened in the last 30 hours or so.” 

David lifts his hand up to cup Patrick’s cheek, “Whatever you need.” and kisses Patrick gently on the lips. After what seems like a lifetime, David pulls away from Patrick’s fingers and heads towards his room. Patrick watches him as he closes the door behind him. 

David feels like he’s still in a dream state as he walks in to the honeymoon suite. There are sheets and towels on the floor, so he prays to God that means that Stevie and her boy toy didn’t do anything on the bed. He sees a note by the telephone and it’s a note from Stevie explaining her need to leave. She tells him to enjoy all of her spa treatments and to come back rested and with all the details about Patrick. He sends Stevie a quick text: 

David: Got your note. 

Stevie: And? What about Mr. Manager? 

David: What about him? 

Stevie: Did you *finger point emoji* *OK hand emoji*

David: OMG. 

Stevie: Well? 

David: We kissed. 

Stevie: Good God, finally. I can’t believe I had to fake break-up with you to get you two morons to kiss. 

David: Newsflash: being fake married to you didn’t exactly fill me with merriment. 

Stevie: *smiling face emoji*

Stevie: Goodnight, and goodluck with Mr. Manager Pants. 

David: Thanks *smiling face emoji*

David lays down on the bed, taking in everything that has happened today and hopes that the rest of the week will be the relaxing getaway he was hoping for. He can hear the faint sound of a sportsball game playing in the room next door and he smiles thinking about Patrick. 

After taking a shower and getting settled into his pajamas for the night, David rifles through the minibar noting that the only bottles that remain are whiskey and rum. The ice has melted so he grabs the bucket and heads out to retrieve more ice. 

Right there next to the ice machine and in front of the vending machine is Patrick  _ dear-god-I-want-to-fuck-his-brains-out _ Brewer bent over and pulling out a package of trail mix from the machine. Patrick is wearing light blue striped pajama bottoms and a dark blue t-shirt that hugs his chest in all the right ways. Patrick notices David in the entryway as he stands up. 

“Hi.” David says softly as he places the ice bucket under the dispenser. The loud noise of the ice machine briefly distracts David and the next thing he knows Patrick’s body and lips are pressed against his own as he’s being backed up against the wall. Patrick is kissing David like he’s starving for it and one of his hands is rubbing along his hip and the other is roaming up the back of his neck, playing with the hairs on the nap of his neck. David has the ice bucket in one hand and the other is pulling Patrick even closer by the waist. David’s groans only encourage Patrick to involuntary buck up against David’s hip. The excitement growing between the two men is easy to feel through the thin pajamas. David’s hand migrates a little lower, grasping firmly to one of Patrick’s cheeks, encouraging him to grind in to David. The small whine that escapes Patrick’s lips sends David surging forward and flipping their positions, with Patrick’s back now against the wall. David’s one free arm anchored by the side of Patrick’s face. 

David slows the kiss and their grinding. He pulls back from Patrick, both of them breathing heavily, “I thought you wanted to go slow?” David asks. 

Patrick searches the lines of David’s face, the curve of his mouth and admits, “I can’t stop thinking about you. I want you, David Rose. I want you like I’ve never wanted anything before in my life.”

David gives a naughty grin, grinds his pelvis against Patrick slowly, and it elicits a small moan from Patrick, David looks deep into Patrick’s eyes and asks him, “What exactly do you want, Patrick?” 

“God. I want you. I want--I want your mouth.” Patrick reaches and swipes his thumb across David’s lower lip, “I want it everywhere.” 

David takes Patrick’s thumb into his mouth and Patrick’s face is frozen in a state of awe as he watches his thumb move in and out of David’s mouth and feels his tongue swirl around it. David releases Patrick’s thumb and looks down at the front of Patrick’s pajamas, “Looks like someone’s up?” 

“Mmhmm. Yes.” Patrick nods fervently. 

“Your room or mine?” David asks. 

“Mine.” Patrick answers quickly and once again grabs David by the hand and leads him to his room. David doesn’t have much time to appreciate the decor in Patrick’s room because his eyes are now closed and he’s sitting on the end of Patrick’s bed with Patrick straddling him. Patrick has started sucking ravenously at his neck and is peppering his jaw with open-mouth kisses. 

He still has the fucking ice bucket in one hand and he definitely needs both hands to be fulling appreciating Patrick’s form right now.

David leans back, sets the ice bucket on the table beside the bed, and proceeds to flip them over. He takes off his t-shirt and stares down at Patrick, cupping his cheek. “Are you sure you still want this?” Patrick whines out, “Yes, please. Want your mouth so bad.” and he runs his hands down David’s bare chest, admiring the thick patch of hair. David lunges forward and pushes up Patrick’s t-shirt. Patrick leans up for a moment to discard his own t-shirt and David licks a line up his chest and gently sucks on his left nipple. Patrick’s hips are still bucking involuntarily. 

David presses Patrick’s chest down so he’s lying flat on his back. He moves down and his fingers toy at the waistband of Patrick’s thin pajama bottoms. He looks up at Patrick who, rather than nodding, unceremoniously pulls down his own pants. _Oh my god, he wasn’t wearing any underwear. _David is shocked by Patrick’s eagerness and thoroughly impressed by the hardened length he is fisting gently and firmly in his hands. Patrick is mumbling above him a mixture of expletives, moans, and compliments to David. 

“That feels amazing, David. Don’t stop. I’m not going to last very long.” Patrick mutters as his breaths quicken. David hasn’t even tasted Patrick’s leaking cock yet. He looks up at Patrick through is lashes as he licks experimentally over the head. Patrick tastes divine. David takes the entire length into his mouth and bobs two, three times before teasing the head again and flicking his tongue playfully at the frenulum. He can feel Patrick’s abs tightening and he breathing is becoming shallower as he continues to moan and tries not to buck up in to David’s mouth. 

Patrick’s hands are clenched at his sides. David takes one of his hands and places it on the back of his head, encouraging Patrick to take some initiative. David bobs along Patrick’s cock two more times and pops off completely, looking up at Patrick with his dark eyes and a lopsided grin. His lips are red and wet and swollen when he tells Patrick, “Fuck my mouth, Brewer.” 

Without hesitation, Patrick slowly pumps his hips a few times, guiding himself deeper in to David’s mouth. David can tell he’s close when his hips falter a bit and Patrick pulls on David’s hair to pull him off. As David’s tongue makes one final trail up the underside of Patrick’s cock and he’s spilling over David’s hands and he’s clinging tightly to David’s hair. Watching Patrick come and hearing the sounds of euphoria leaving his lips is almost enough to make him come, but he needs more. 

Patrick’s grip on David’s hair loosens as the last few tremors move through his body. David stands up and quickly moves to the bathroom. He grabs a towel and quickly helps him clean up. 

  
“Oh my god, David. That was incredible, mind-blowing. I--Thank you. I never knew it could be so intense, the want, the need.” Patrick is still spewing somewhat coherent words from his mouth as David fists himself. It’s not long before Patrick hears David whimper and turns all of his focus on to David. He’s laying naked along David’s side and he places his hand over David’s chest. He leans in for a gentle, but heated kiss. His hands move slowly down David’s chest, tracing the line of hair leading to his hard and leaking cock. He looks over to David, “Can I touch you? Please?” David nods at him and Patrick pulls off David’s black sweatpants. He hovers over David’s black briefs and palms at David’s hardness. 

“It’s okay. It’s not going to take much. Just do what you know feels good for you.” David leans up on his elbows and encourages him. 

Patrick pulls down David’s briefs and slowly grasps the hard cock in his hand. He tightens his grip and is further encouraged by David’s moans of pleasure. He fists at the hard, velvet length and can feel David’s cock throbbing beneath his touch. He pumps a little faster, twisting his wrists as he reaches the head each time. David reaches for Patrick and licks in to his mouth and they continue to kiss like they’re searching each other’s souls while Patrick continues to jack David to completion. The warmth spills over his hands and he pulls his mouth away from David’s lips to watch David’s whole body come. He sits up in awe at the micro convulsions in David’s abs and chest. He works David through the last of his orgasm and starts kissing David again, slow and lazy kisses, gentle licks chasing each other’s tongues. Both men are smiling as they slow down the kisses. 

Patrick has materialized a towel and David goes to the bathroom to clean himself up. Patrick’s bathroom has a double vanity and they both stand there in front of the respective sinks, the whole thing feeling rather domestic, and smile stupidly at one another. 

David can’t help but think to himself that that was one of the most intense sexual experiences of his life. He knows there is something special about Patrick and it’s a feeling that he’s a little afraid to explore. It’s getting late and he’s not sure if Patrick wants him to stay or if he should go back to his room. Patrick’s got his pajama bottoms on again and David is standing in only his briefs. Patrick comes up behind David and wraps his arms around his waist. He’s a bit shorter than David, but he still hugs David close and places his chin on David’s shoulder. As if he was a telepath, he asks David, “Stay tonight. Please?” David simply nods his head in affirmation and presses in close to Patrick’s back. 

He pulls on the rest of his pajamas and slides into the bed next to Patrick. The lay face to face for a few moments in comfortable silence. David’s mind starts to drift a bit. He’s excited about the opportunity to do a small proof-of-concept for Rose Apothecary, but there’s so much other stuff that has to be done now. Vendors to find. Products to test. Business stuff to manage. 

He feels Patrick’s hand reach for his own hand and he pulls it to his lips and gently kisses his knuckles. It’s a calming move that instantly washes David’s fears away. 

“I could hear you thinking. Wanna talk about it?” Patrick asks. They spend hours talking about their lives before and after Schitt’s Creek and for Patrick, before and after the Elmdale Hotel and Spa. David Talks about Stevie and her lack of helpfulness in all situations. They also talk about the possibilities of a Rose Apothecary standalone store. Patrick holds tightly to David’s hands the entire time and there is something about this man that makes David feel brave enough to fight for himself and his ideas. They eventually drift off to sleep, David wrapped up in Patrick’s arms with his face pressed into his beautiful neck and chest, dreaming about their futures together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title and chapter titles inspired by Bob Dylan's Tangled Up In Blue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwSZvHqf9qM
> 
> David sings "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey. Let's just pretend he can falsetto those smooth notes. 
> 
> Patrick sings the lyrics to "Make you Feel My Love" written by Bob Dylan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ItmlGRB718  
There's also a really fantastic Adele cover of it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0put0_a--Ng
> 
> If the fake break-up sounds familiar, it's because it is! Inside Schitts Creek: Breakups: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNE_8JQzF-8

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year and special thanks to all the Rosebuddies for your cheering and inspiration!


End file.
